Job hunting is a rip tide through my life, kicking my brain into a frantic state.
But this time I will not drown.
I will eventually reach the warm sand and cold beverage
Despite the swift yanking, and instinct to swim hard against the current,
I will float...
Swim gently along parallel to shore, no direct route, away from the rip,
A blazing cold perfection of a burning, salt tingling, icy skin kind of life
Very much alive!
I woke around 4 am to the sound of hard rain hammering the roof. My brain kicked on and I found myself unable to get back to sleep. Every sound, every thought grabbing my attention and not letting go.
So I got up and read for a while, holding off to the respectable hour of 5 am to boil water for tea, hoping not to wake the entire family. For awhile more, I sipped and read.
Then, hoping to fend off the 'woke way too early' ache in my head, I closed my eyes for a bit. When I opened them again, this is the morning that greeted me. Lovely, silver and gold glowing across the lake.
The kids are all off with summer friends, playing volleyball, hanging around. I remember a few other moms talking about this a couple years ago. The day when their kids were no longer hanging around camp looking for parents to entertain them.
So, here I sit, somewhere between relaxing and waiting, not quite sure what to do with myself now that the flurry of packing and driving and unpacking is done. The sun is setting and the sounds of kids playing volleyball on the beach, new and familiar voices catch my attention for a moment.
I sit in the cool clear air with a favorite pen and a toothy thick paper to sketch what I see. The view of the lake and bog from the yard always capture may attention... I just start looking at shapes and shadows and before I know it, the boys have wandered back up from the beach and I realize my daughter won't wander home until I wander to the neighbor's to fetch her.