Rip Tide

Job hunting is a rip tide through my life, kicking my brain into a frantic state.
But this time I will not drown.
I will eventually reach the warm sand and cold beverage 
Despite the swift yanking, and instinct to swim hard against the current,
I will float...
Swim gently along parallel to shore, no direct route, away from the rip, 
A blazing cold perfection of a burning, salt tingling, icy skin kind of life
Very much alive!


Too Early Morning

I woke around 4 am to the sound of hard rain hammering the roof.  My brain kicked on and I found myself unable to get back to sleep.  Every sound, every thought grabbing my attention and not letting go. 

So I got up and read for a while, holding off to the respectable hour of 5 am to boil water for tea, hoping not to wake the entire family.  For awhile more, I sipped and read.  

Then, hoping to fend off the 'woke way too early' ache in my head, I closed my eyes for a bit.  When I opened them again, this is the morning that greeted me.  Lovely, silver and gold glowing across the lake. 


Moment to create

The kids are all off with summer friends, playing volleyball, hanging around.  I remember a few other moms talking about this a couple years ago.  The day when their kids were no longer hanging around camp looking for parents to entertain them. 

So, here I sit, somewhere between relaxing and waiting, not quite sure what to do with myself now that the flurry of packing and driving and unpacking is done.  The sun is setting and the sounds of kids playing volleyball on the beach, new and familiar voices catch my attention for a moment.

I sit in the cool clear air with a favorite pen and a toothy thick paper to sketch what I see.  The view of the lake and bog from the yard always capture may attention... I just start looking at shapes and shadows and before I know it, the boys have wandered back up from the beach and I realize my daughter won't wander home until I wander to the neighbor's to fetch her.  


Blooming Artist

This morning my daughter came downstairs and saw the drawing I made last night.  She decided she wanted to draw too, but quickly became frustrated and annoyingly began to say ridiculous things like, "I am bad at drawing." and "I can't draw."

I told her, "Drawing can be tricky, you have to draw what you see, not what you think it looks like.  You have to look carefully and practice, but really there is no wrong way, the important things are to really look, and to try."  Alas, she tossed her paper aside anyway, and moved on to other things.

Then, this evening, she asked, "Can we do something together?"  So she and I sat side by side drawing.  As I pondered where to begin, she sang to me about using my imagination, then she carefully studied some shells I had out, and began to draw. . . Without complaint (or self deprication) she drew with confidence, trying out some shading and shadows and making boxes on her paper to contain many small sketches.  

As I swirled a pencil around trying to capture a wave on a flat surface, she said, "You inspire me to try something else." And on she went to fill another box with lines, texture, shading, and imagination.

When I tucked her in, she was still drawing away.  Whales, shark fins, sunsets, an owl on a branch...  I wonder what she will dream about tonight. . .

Right at it the next morning!


Page One

A Tuesday SLice of Life Post


With the end of the year, a lot to think about has me drawing into myself a bit, and literally drawing it out.  Tonight, after putting the kiddos to bed, I dug around for a few supplies and scouted quickly for a few items to study.  I set up shop in my kitchen and one thing led to
The next.  I enjoyed drawing, the feel of a soft pencil on paper, a light shade, a sharp line, a curve bring a certain contentment.  

When I finished I realized, I wasn't finished!  I wanted to take a photo of my drawing to post.   I began to play a bit including more, including less, give a bit of a twist to the image. . . Just the beginning. . . The first page. 

For a few more photos of this process visit my new blog: http://drawingalifenoeraser.blogspot.com/2017/06/a-few-of-my-favorite-things.html?m=1


Finding My Way

The following post is the first on my new blog: Drawing a Life Without an Eraser

For many reasons, I have found myself at age 46 looking for work, a purpose, a good fit. . . a life I can live with.  

Before starting a family, I taught first grade, which I loved, but alas I left my career to raise a family. My oldest is now 14, and for a few years I  dabbled in a variety of education jobs, from classroom/intervention para in third grade then part time in preschool, to a Special Needs para, then two most recent forays into fulltime teaching as co teacher of fourth grade.  The fact is, I am still looking for the perfect fit. A fit that I can live with over time, that doesn't change me, or keep me (in all the wrong ways) from who I am, and what I am about.  

Before returning to work, I began blogging and really enjoyed it.  I have led a fairly creative life and have been told, "You need to keep creating". Staying home to raise my kids when they were babies was my most creative and beloved adventure.  Returning to teaching seemed a logical, responsible direction, yet the more I try to reconnect with my teaching self, the further I drift from the creative, happy soul I once was.  Now, I find myself way-finding once again.  

Embarking on this journey, I feel like Mr Plumbean, a character in one of my favorite picture books, The Big Orange Splot.  Plumbean lives in a neighborhood where everyone's home is exactly the same, until one day a seagull flies over and spills a big orange splot of paint on his roof.  It is a pivotal moment when Plumbean decides rather than "fix the mess" he should use this as an opportunity to find his true self.  

So, here I am beginning this blog, accepting the orange splot, and embracing this moment as an opportunity to find my way as genuinely as I can.  My new blog will be more about creating, as opposed to this blog which is a place to share my written creations.