I am a forty something, mom of three, wife of 17 years who is currently trying to break back into the field of teaching after 10 years learning how to parent three tricky students of my own! It has been a messy beautiful process that has carried me to this point in my life (and has inspired this blog). At this moment, I am no longer just along for the ride, to see where it will take me, yet I use that skill to ride out the bumps. I am making choices and digging in to reach my goal, and I have confidence that I will reach it. I am looking at ‘little obstacles’, like not getting the job I applied for, as stepping stones and learning experiences . Life’s classroom is so rich!
When I was younger, even just a few years earlier, I had somehow arrived at the notion that people were born to be artists. I truly felt since I had not found my own art yet, I must have missed the boat, I was doomed to be a gas station attendant, and that was that. It was quite dismal really, because I really could only see everything I hadn’t yet done as untraveled roads already barricaded to me. I really had a hard time seeing possibilities back then. When I chose to teach, it was because I really wanted young kids to see and learn about “what could be” for them, I wanted to open doors, and remove baracades. I thought of the time I spent already, just in my youth, feeling like I had missed a boat or many boats, and I reflected on the waste in a way that moved me forward, and motivated me to want to move others forward as well.
My oldest had hit kindergarten by then and the very verbal little boy who we were sure would love school was struggling wildly with odd things like sitting at circle to sing songs, and what one teacher dubbed “buzzing” around the room. He was sent to the office frequently for social faux pas and skirmishes, and the dreaded "lack of empathy". By first grade I was solely engrossed in figuring out what was causing our curious motivated learner at home to become a distressed mess at school. You know that mom you see storming into school determined and wide eyed, she scares everyone a little, she is so so angry . . .? That was me. . . Getting help for my son was a nightmare of roadblocks that to this day make no sense to me, I was stressed beyond belief. As strange as it sounds, it snuck up on me! I jumped, dodged and pushed to get past the blockades and eventually got the former nay sayers on board and found a place where my boy could not just survive, but thrive. Then I had to get myself and my family back on track. Regular excercise and outlets for mom rose in importance. I have had to work past that "trigger time" in the mornings when my son would set up for battle over going to school. I had to learn to breath, learn to breath, learn to breath. If someone isn't ready or can't find something as we are going out the door, I still need to remind myself, this is a little bump, no big deal, we will get there. . . because my brain wants to freak out as if we were back in that time three years ago. But today's bumps have nothing to do with then.
I even interviewed for a “dream job” at a tiny ruralish local school, but besides my brain going into flight mode for most of the interview. << I soo wish I could blog my way through interview! I would just reply to questions with, please see blog post # 17 where I discussed this at length. :))>> When they asked why I wanted to work there, I really had no good, honest answer. In that ridiculous moment right In the interview, I realized I really didn’t want to work there! It suddenly seemed too small, too homogeneous and I knew I would miss the diversity I had found working in a larger school the previous year. Umm. . .yeah, interview did not go so well. My husband says everything I feel at any moment washes acrossed my face all day long, maybe I need some of that "Pokertox" or whatever it was called. . . some Doctor invented it to help poker players keep a straight face while holding a royal flush!! Imagine the possibilities?!