What happens, then, if I don't earn one of these coveted teaching positions? After I spend the summer emerging myself in Core Curriculum Standards and pondering the best use of technology and methods for instilling, or engaging, or more aptly allowing children's love of learning to exist, develop, and grow. . . how will I handle it if I am not chosen for this role? What will I do with all the checklists and organizers I have printed off? I know I will be disappointed. Yet I also know change will come this fall in any case, and for that I am ready. I feel like I am poised on the edge of the ocean looking out and wondering what fine creature will crest and take me for a ride on this fine day.
Change is imminent for our family whatever the outcome. My baby will be off to preschool, she is going to love it. My oldest will start the year off knowing he is going to a place he is loved, for the first time since preschool. My middle son is still standing on the edge of the ocean with me as I try to navigate our options for his education, a dolphin? a blue whale? definitely not the shark, lest he fall off and become chum. I want him to ride with someone who will not turn on him if he slips, someone who will lead him to great things and lift him up for air or to check out the view when needed. Someplace he will not feel like a snail hiding in his shell among the pinchered crabs. Do we choose friendship? He is assigned to the same teacher as his best buddy at our local school. Or do we choose a better, kinder education? I try not to be frustrated we have to make that choice.
Change is constant. I can ride the waves of change to shore, or struggle against them, but they will come one after the other after the other. I know, sometimes, just when I think the tide has gone out and left me ashore, a rogue wave will come in to buoy me or at the very least, freshen the water where I stand. So my plan is to try hard to swim with the current, not against it, and to see where it takes me. Maybe there is a nice inlet full of sunshine, blue sky and glittering water just down the coast. Maybe there is a ship headed to a foreign land who will find me bobbing along and pull me on deck. Whatever the outcome of my search, wherever I find myself next, I aspire to embrace the change and all its dichotomous dependability and invigoration.