Sporting Good Time

Ahh. . . a weekend off from kids' baseball, an Oasis in the desert of endless games and practices that is the life of a parent of multiple players in different age groups.  I have a love hate relationship with this season.  I love the warm weather and the boys' enthusiasm and the chance to visit with other parents while the kids whack balls, steal bases and learn to work as a team.  I hate the craze that the baseball schedule brings to our family schedule and the destruction of our evening routine and general sense of peace and tranquility (ok. a little exaggeration here :)  But seriously, we enjoy this season that puts us on a fast course to summer vacation.

It is interesting though.  I overheard a parent who was commenting at one of my son's games about a kid who was "really intense", but I didn't really hear the whole conversation.  I immediately felt self conscious, "is she talking about my guy?"  I know he fits the description.  He is definitely intense, and is one of the older kids on a team dominated by younger players.  And. . . his daddy, my husband is coach. . .so I can see why some might think (coaches son:  intense player).  That thought makes me laugh out loud, because yes my husband is coach, but intense about baseball he is not, he just hopes to teach them the little he has picked up watching our older son's games and practices and make sure the kids have some fun.  He is coach, because he was willing to coach.

Actually, neither of us played sports in school at all, but we hoped the team sport would benefit our kids and that they would have some fun with friends and neighbors around town.  So in true 'us' fashion, in the week that followed this game my older son, who is one of the youngest on a team of older players was fidgeting out in the field, (I always wish I could control his "strings" like a marionette when he does this as I think to myself, "What on earth is he doing out there??")

Fortunately, he has improved from last year.  He actually was paying attention in his own way and didn't miss any plays that I know of that day.  He also did had some great up to bats, walking and fouling against a fast pitcher on the other team. Again I caught a piece of conversation, ". . cant' pick your nose. . .this isn't tee ball. . " the rest was lost to the wind, literally the wind was crazy that day.  It is no wonder that when this woman's son, who is a fantastic outfielder, was up to bat and struck out quickly as he stood while the balls whizzed by, the thought crossed my mind, "See lady, nobody's perfect."

I didn't say a word though, because I don't think it is our job as parents of children on the teams to be snarky about the other players, children of our neighbors.  I miss last year's team where the all the parents rooted for each others' kids, we knew how far each of the kids had come since t-ball.  We rooted for kids who were more or less skilled, lower or higher on the intensity scale, having a good game or an off day, and it was our job to cheer them on and encourage them to do their best.

I

Reflection

I sat down tonight wondering what to write about, and knowing I just needed to start, my mind wandered to school this year,  and to my return to classroom life as a paraprofessional lucky enough to work with a really great 3^rd grade team.  It was a good choice to return as a paraprofessional, and begin to work out the new routine of being a working mom.  I have enjoyed the experience immensely and really have regained confidence in my own joy at working with children on a daily basis.  This has been not a small part due to the congenial nature of my colleagues who I have learned so much from this year.  

This opportunity has given me a handle on some of the challenges we are faced  within this high stakes testing era and reminded me of the challenges of facing a diverse group of children with various needs both educational and emotional each and every day.  I am lucky enough to say I have learned great things from each and every staff I have been in contact and hope to recall many (but in no way all) now.

• From Kevin, I have learned a clear expectations and quiet patience go a long way in providing a safe learning atmosphere for some of our most challenging students.
• Chris’s careful attention to time creates a steady pace and structure for a variety of learning, while making it possible for even the smallest moments to be capitalized on for a group game or sharing of news.
• Alan’s enthusiasm for literature inspires his class to read, and me to revisit old favorites from my youth and the many wonderful books that I seem to have missed along the way.
• Sherill’s attention to detail and seemingly endless tales of teaching experiences and wisdom have taught me new perspectives on meeting the needs of our diverse student population.
• Caitlin’s fresh enthusiasm and ideals, backed up with clear understandings give me confidence and hope for up and rising teachers and the future of our profession.
• Danny’s calm and quiet, yet unyielding presence in the face of challenging students is truly a bar set high to strive for.
• Danielle’s unflappable nature and quiet humor is a joy to see in motion with children.
• Anne’s insight and dedication to the emotional needs of students reminds me to reflect and avoid assumptions about children.
• Naihsin’s and Linda’s ability and determination to get to the bottom of conflicts and issues with our children is both a motivation and comfort.
• From James I have learned that consistent compassion is a gift to be given freely.
• Nick’s vision as a principal for a school that meets the needs of students and staff alike inspires me to do my best, and help my children see the best in themselves.

Overall, this year has been wonderful, and as any the nearing end is bittersweet.  The downfall in regaining confidence to search for a full time teacher position this year is that my search may lead me away from new colleagues and friends, but who knows really what the future will bring. . .

Embrace the Struggle, yourself

What is it that makes humans too often, (at all, is too often) reject rather than accept or embrace the strugglers in the world?  I used to think it was strong dominating the weak, or rejecting the weak, as is common in nature.  But human nature is different.  It occurs to me, more often than not, people doing the pushing, rejecting, the sqashing, are simply avoiding facing some "truth".  Perhaps they act not out of strength, but out out of weakness, because  To embrace a struggling soul would require some recognition of something they don't want to face.  Maybe they too struggle, but are too afraid of the perceived dangers on the path that could lead them away from the struggle.  Are they living in a mold created by someone, always careful not to fracture the memory of that person?  Maybe they are made of glass, hard, shiny, and unyielding on the outside, but inescapably fragile. . .

Before we can have a world run on love and acceptance for all, people must become brave and willing to crack their own fears, look weakness in the mirror, and take charge of their own struggle.  We must first accept ourselves.

One of a zillion essays/letters in the job hunt process.

I was ‘raised up’ as a Responsive Classroom teacher.  The summer before my first year as teacher I was an active participant in a week long Responsive Classroom training where I learned how to “unpack” a classroom with my students, create choices for learners,  and use guided discovery to teach my children how to use tools, be learners, and become good citizens in our classroom, our school, and our community.  Through the years at that school, I collaborated with staff around Responsive Classroom Ideas and ways to continue our joint mission in creating a safe, welcoming, learning environment for all our students and families.  Re starting my career at W Elementary has felt like a continuum, as if I never took time for starting a family of my own.  I am right back in it, helping to build another safe community of learners, thinking about the best kinds of language to use with students, participating in PBIS meetings to establish lunchroom protocols, and thinking, always thinking about how to show our students what it looks and sounds like to be respectful, responsible, caring and safe citizens of our learning community.  This, I believe, is the beginning of a greatness all our students can achieve, the foundation upon which we build learners and citizens.  Without safety and acceptance among students and teachers, fear and anxiety and misunderstanding can, and likely will, block the path to learning.  

Children are all different, yet as humans they are all alike.  They need to understand themselves and feel understood by others, especially to maximize learning.  As a teacher I can support this by truly getting to know my kids interests, strengths, and weaknesses.  Each child needs to know, see, and hear that the strengths of each student (themselves and others) are important and useful and will serve our classroom community. Each child will learn how to best support classmates when it is hard, because at some point they will each wear those shoes, and will appreciate the consideration and goodwill of others.  Each child in my class will feel that school has a purpose for them, that they are important and have something to offer our class and community.  They will come to understand that things they CAN do can help create a bridge to the things they cannot yet do. 

In practical terms, I will use a combination of whole group, small group, partner and individual instruction to teach my class. I will make learning goals explicit using child friendly language.  There will be opportunities for collaboration and contemplation.  Daily observations, anecdotal records, checklists, check ins,  and rubrics will be among the tools to guide my daily preparation to meet the needs of what is sure to be a diverse group of learners.  The classroom will be organized and accessible to all learners and a variety of materials will be available to students to learn and express their knowledge with.  Predictable opportunities for developing reading, writing and arithmetic skills (practice in addition to instruction) will occur throughout the day while global concepts in social studies and science will provide a conceptual framework throughout the year that provides not only organization, but motivation for the class and many opportunities for reading and writing across the curriculum.

Keeping on top of challenging the students who are ready for a challenge is equally as important to me as being diligent and creative in teaching children who are struggling to learn a skill.  It is key to a smooth running classroom and also the goal of developing lifelong learners that children be engaged daily.  These two points are even clearer to me as I near completion of two courses (Learning Disabilities and Instructional Techniques, & Positive Behavior Supports) this spring through HEC.  I believe all children can and should be learning daily.  I know how to follow a curriculum and to teach common standards, yet to be sure all children are progressing my goal is to be tooled with an understanding of the issues that can get in the way and be able to develop a clear plan with a child or a team of colleagues for how to best remove or work around obstacles to learning, set realistic goals, and achieve them.  That is how I plan to ensure academic excellence for every student in my class, every day!

Good cop, Bad cop, Or Balancing with Help?

I recently had one of those encounters that left me questioning myself, and I see that as a good thing, because I don't think it is healthy to feel like I have all the answers.  The particular day I am thinking of was a sort of 'good cop/bad cop' experience with a student, between me and another teacher ( a somewhat regular substitute where I work).  The child came in to class with his coat on, hood up and attitude in place.  He sat down and promptly ignored the morning work and took out a graphic novel to read instead.  He has a hard life and has seen more hardship in 9 years than I could dream of in 40.  The previous week had been a particularly difficult one for him.  My take on this child, since it was first thing in the morning, was to see if I could engage him and help him to shift his mood to a more positive one where he might get some work done.    The substitute interrupted to tell him to get out his morning work.  After only a few more minutes she returned, "Since you aren't doing your morning work now, you will have to do it at recess."  You can see the good cop bad cop scenario taking form, but unlike a Law and Order episode, the two of us were not working together.  I will admit I was a little flustered by the interaction, and couldn't imagine what on earth this teacher was thinking.

The next day, I saw the other teacher and we had time to talk.  I explained that my intention was to try to help the student shift gears so he might have a chance at being a productive learner throughout the rest of the day.  The other teacher expressed her frustration with the student "Getting away with not doing his work" and feeling like "He needs to be held accountable.", that "He needs to learn."  They are legitimate concerns.  When kids with hard lives show up at the classroom door, not ready to learn, still carrying the baggage that is their life it is not a situation conducive to learning.  We both, we all, agree on that.

Where the dichotomy begins is how we approach trying to solve the problem.  I realize, after pondering this situation right now, that this child could benefit from Ross Greene's Collaborative Problem Solving between teacher and student.  That's is not where I intended to go with this, but the connection is legitimate based on some information I have been reading about on The Center For Confidence and Well Being website.  There is an abundance of information on this site that I find useful in thinking of how to help kids like the one I described here.  For instance the article Resilience and Vulnerable Children includes Proffessor Bridgit Daniel's outline of 6 ways teachers, counselors, and other significant adults can help a child who has been put in a vulnerable position in life.  These ways take into account her belief that the approach we take with kids should not emphasise their vulnerability but "honor and build on human qualities for survival".

The six areas comprise:

• Secure base – where the focus is on secure attachment relationships
• Education – where school is a place, teachers are seen as people and learning is seen as a process
• Friendship – where the ability to get on with peers is supported
• Talents and interests – where opportunities to boost self esteem are nurtured
• Positive values – where kindness to others is encouraged
• Social competencies – where the ability to behave appropriately is developed.

This further endears me to Dr.Ross Greene and Collaborative Problem Solving because it is based in the kind of trusting relationship that must be established to help the children who need it most. (And don't get me wrong, All children need it) If the child does not yet have a secure relationship in school CPS could play a key role.  In CPS we as teachers are learning and trying new problem solving strategies right along with the children, we are not just telling them what to do.  CPS takes into account children's  strengths and allows and encourages the child to build on those.  Through CPS we can address positive values and social competencies in a humane way, with the goal being that the child will develop skills in those areas with time and attention.  This will also, potentially play a key role in helping a child move from a fixed mindset, ex. "My life is terrible." to a growth mindset, "I can learn, I can change my life" as noted in works and audio of Carol Dweck, also highlighted on this website.  If you have never heard Dweck's Mindset talks you should check them out, they are really enlightening.

Back to my Good cop/ Bad cop scenario, I realize we are all balancing our need to feel like we are helping these kids and at the same time trying to provide the the kind of structure and limits that will help them develop life long skills.  I find myself on either side of the beam on any given day with the child I mentioned above.  Despite, my frustration with the teacher mentioned, I get her.  Now more than ever I believe the key to stay on the beam is to take the hand of the child and work on the problem together, to meet the needs of the teacher (ie. limits set) and child (emotional and learning needs met)

Paper Trail :)

A funny thing is I just sat down with a pen and paper a minute ago trying to figure out what it was I was going to write about today.  I had a fleeting idea, but I wanted to get some chores done first, then when I decided, "this is going to be a while I better write that down"  The idea whoooshed out of my brain.  So, not one to give up on an idea I found a scrap of blank paper and a pen anyway and just wrote what popped into my mind that wasn't my idea.  On the paper I wrote:

• flimsy
• flip
• trash
• paperwork

Aha!!!  It struck me! (I thought this was cool, because I did not know it would work) Earlier today, as I was cleaning off a flat surface in my kitchen of the familial rubble that piles up there, I planned to perhaps write about the paperwork dilemma.  If I thought junkmail and the paper burden was a problem before I had kids, I was not even in the slightest bit prepared for the onslaught of paperwork that is dumped out of the backpacks of three kids attending different schools.  I had no idea that such piles of paperwork had the capability to bury even my thoughts and ideas so that I would have to find a quiet place to pull them out as I did today with my pen and paper experiment.  

The beginning of the year is the worst, as you could probably guess, because the school actually expects you to look at everything, read, gather info, sign, return x 3 and every school has different forms for the same stuff so I can't just copy one and be on my way. To be sure my kids start school off on the right "foot", I have to make note of phys ed and dance days, (and other movement oriented days that I always mess up the names of and am sure to have my kids correct me), and on which day of the week they fall for each child.  I pin up the lunch menus, which the kids never need unless I throw them away.  I post the school calendars and try to figure out if any of our days off synchronize, rarely.  

Then, there's the kids' work that comes home. . .  Don't get me wrong, I love to see what my kids are doing at school, check out their writing, see their artwork, and all, but then what?  I usually choose a few things to hang for too long on the fridge or tack board, striking artwork or other cool stuff goes into my cellar stairway ie. shrine to my kids. (pics below)  But let's be honest folks, there is a lot of crap that comes home.  Piles of worksheets with nouns circled and mad minute math fact sheets, blah!  So for those things I do not deem worthy of long term visiblity, I leave in a pile somewhere until I can sneak it into the recycling or the wood furnace without one or more children noticing and guilting me with the looks of shock, horror, disappointment, and lagging self esteem that result when they realize I do not keep every scrap of paper that falls out of their backpacks.

I take some strength from a friend who refuses to keep all that stuff.  But I haven't mastered the ruthless toss.  I balance it with trying to keep some of it, a few choice things.  I know that my way is more exhausting though. Now, in the age of pinterest, the process of deciding is even more excruciating because I feel inclined to keep every finger or toeprint project that comes through the front door, and damned if they don't have  a bazillion (is that even a number??) different ideas for fingers, toes, and paint!!! 

On a side note, writing this was a lovely distraction from sorting and "filing" the endless paperwork, thanks for reading :)

This last photo is my almost finished glass mosaic underwater scene which is on the wall below the child artwork shrine :)

Trying Not to feel Unaccomplished

It is a funny thing being in touch with people who I haven't seen in a very long while.  It is very seldom, (ie: has never happened) that I meet up with an old classmate or coworker and discover, yes, she also has been home with her kids for the last ten years and is perhaps just returning to her proffession.  Ten years is a lot of career building, a pile of work experience, a bazillion accomplished goals and places traveled, or in my case 3 kids ages 4,8,& eek! a boy who will be 10 in seventeen days! The most jarring to me though, is when I meet up with old coworkers or other teachers who have been teaching all this time while I have been home. It makes me feel like I dodged the draft by leaving my proffession right when all the hoop jumping began for MCAS, No Child Left Behind, and now Race to the Top.  I start to feel a little like I have no right to have an opinion, or to voice it, with regards to the state of education at present, and I feel a little unaccomplished having SAHM on my resume for the past 10 years.  I worry that my determination to return to teaching, to do better for the kids, will be viewed as idealistic know-it-allism from a wannabe teacher who has stayed home for more years now than she has teaching time under her belt.

For better or worse, I managed to transition from a newbie teacher to a stay at home parent with my idealism about education in tact.  That idealism was challenged while trap tripping over to the other side of the bridge.  It took me a couple years to hurd my little ones over the bridge, past the troll, and on to the green, green grass of schools that taste better, and nourish more readily than the barren rocky landscape that we left.  The experience has been a different kind of education about teaching and learning, different than slogging through the fog of high stakes testing and accountability that teachers have had to do.  I like to think that being on the other side of the bridge gives me the kind of perspective that will be necessary to improving the state of public education in the years to come, toward balancing accountabity with sound and innovative teaching practices. I worry though, about being perceived as someone who thinks it is all in the power of the teachers to control, as someone who thinks most teachers are not doing the best they CAN within a system that is not working well.  

I am particularly sensitive to the fact that I had to fight hard to get one of my kids what he needs in public school and the glinting notion that I may somehow be seen as an enemy, upstart, or merely an idealistic fool by folks who have "dedicated their lives to the education of our children" while I stayed home dedicated to raising my own.  Do they see this huge chunk of my education, this badge of honor as a scarlet letter?  Then of course I flip it and ask, why do I care?  I guess I can get over the idea of others not readily "seeing" my experiences as education, but I care really, because I want to get a teaching job.  My solution is to create current references and experiences with the courses I am taking and the job I currently hold that will validate my teacherness somehow and pave the way to reigniting my teaching career in this current climate. 

Just occured to me. . .Is this post just nerves at the thought of beginning the interview process again this year?  or fear of the question "Will there be any jobs to interview for?" hmm. . .    Breath, Amy

Return to 'Student' Status

So here I am, a mom, a teacher, a student, and I realize that I have been practicing the harmony of these three areas of my life for some time now, but without the all the imposed schedules and formal deadlines.  So this year I have returned to work/ school as a class size paraproffessional (working with 3 third grade teachers to support the close to 70 kiddos of diverse educational and behavioral needs in their classes) and I have returned to student status so I can keep growing my skills and credentials as a teacher.

 So testing. . . "Get up and go to work on schedule while getting children to and from schools". . . Check.

I can do this.  Not only that, I am really enjoying getting to know the children and the teachers, and figuring out how I can best support them all, it is an intersting job.  It is a relief to me really how much I am enjoying getting to know the teachers and how to best support each of them and their unique needs.  And it is a great feeling because I realize I can do it and I like it. They are each so different, just like the kids, and the classes.

Next layer of challenge:  For a month or so, I have also been enrolled in two hybrid online courses.  (For those of you who need that decoded, it means we meet in person for 3 classess, while completing most of our coursework and weekly discussions and assignments on line.)  What can I say, just one sounded too doable *smirk*, I wanted to challenge myself.  It is an interesting combination so far and the classes are right up my ally.  Positive Behavior Supports, and Learning Disabilities and Instructional Techniques, are both taught by the same instructor and fairly compatible to take together.  My biggest challenge is keeping from getting the two tangled up in my mind.  But isn't that what we really want in the end?  So, while trying to keep the assignments organized by class, is a bit of a challenge, I think allowing the two courses to mix in my mind and experience is a good thing overall.  (And all this while the clean laundry pile stares me down as I read-that adds another element. . . you wouldn't believe how much energy it takes to be stared down by your own clean laundry!)

Another challenge, because I have focused particularly on the behavior piece on my own for a couple years now, it to really stretch myself and go beyond the understandings I have already reached to try to shape a managable classroom philosophy.  One that is strong enough to not be swayed by the peer pressure of other teachers who may not understand or agree, and flexible enough to meet the needs of a diverse population of learners.  As you know, if you have been reading here for any length of time, Dr. Ross Greene is my hero.  Now how do I shape what I have learned from him into a practical, doable, classroom philosophy for management that opens the door for learning and acceptance of differences in a classroom setting.

As you know, that is my end goal.  To be the classroom teacher who sets up the environment for success.  I have had the added benefit of working with a diverse set of teachers, and even more diverse set of kids, and learning from them each day what techniques work, what seems to work at first, and what strategies get in the way despite good intentions.  It is an interesting mix and a constant reminder to me of these three truths

• "Nobody's perfect." 
• "Everyone is different"
• "Everyone can learn"

"I am the decisive element. ."

Quote:
“I’ve come  to a frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element in the classroom. It’s my personal approach that creates the climate. It’s my daily mood that makes the weather. As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power to make a child’s life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration. I can humiliate or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated and a child humanized or dehumanized.”

― Haim G. Ginott

"A frightening conclusion". . .  If I were afraid of the responsibility, I might run from this proffession of educating our young, like right. . .now. . . after reading this quote.  But, I won't.  It is at the heart of why I am working to get back in the classroom as classroom teacher after ten years of staying home with my own kids.   It is the idea that a teacher is “the decisive element in the classroom” and that “As a teacher, I possess a tremendous power” that is the scariest, because if I am not extremely thoughtful and cautious I could actually miss an opportunity (or many) to inspire my students to grow as humans not just as students.  Our children who are different kinds of learners, but also different kinds of humans need that education just as much as learning to read.  As teachers we are in the position to help children grow their humanity.

This quote speaks to why my favorite year as first grade teacher was the year I discovered that greeting each child at the door every morning was key.  Well, that is not all that revolutionary really, but I didn’t just greet them, I insisted (very patiently for some) that they each share with me something about their life, anything from weekend plans to hopes and dreams.  I wanted to get to know my kids as humans.  I tried to create an environment where it was ok to bring your self to school.  I insisted they bring who they are into the classroom rather than leave a piece of themselves at the door.  I wanted to be able to see them as their family saw them. . . at least a little.

When I think of this quote, and our current society where bullying, hate and violence are still all too prevalent, it brings out a desire in me to take my greeting even a step further and not only appreciate each student for who he or she is, but also to create a community where they will learn not just about math, or reading, but also about each other.  My goal is to learn and practice how to choose words, create experiences, and capitalize on moments that will not only allow but also teach and encourage a classroom of children from different backgrounds to appreciate and support each others’ strengths, weaknesses, differences, similarities and all.

For better or worse, teachers set the tone for the classroom community.  In order to foster  little humans, the act of being human ourselves is not the only answer.  Sure our children should understand that we have good days and bad days as anyone else, but we should be thoughtful about it.  As educator, a teacher must take care of herself first the classroom is not the place for depression, arrogance, or ego. Sometimes we need to be performers.   

Whether we are experiencing painful events  outside of school, or looking for teaching moments within our classroom it is sometimes necessary to choose which pieces of our own life or self to carry to school with us.   I once heard a teacher in mourning for a loved one say, “Being here with the kids is so helpful to me.”  Yet in response to that same teacher, a parent I know was concerned that her child was so sad and worried for her teacher all the time she didn’t feel it was fair for the teacher to bring all that to school with her and lay it on her students.  In a different kind of situation I witnessed a teacher laugh it off when children laughed and cajoled after he knocked down some supplies at morning meeting.   I wonder was it his responsibility to act his own age and brush it off?  Or would the situation have been more suited to a little play acting?  At the very least, perhaps open up  a discussion about  how to react to foibles in a safe learning community.

I realize these were two well meaning teachers, and situations like this occur every day in classrooms around the globe.  Even just one techno mishap can result in a frazzled teacher and can effect the class.  We really do affect the weather in a classroom, but I hope that considering these experiences will drive my own growth and decisionmaking in the classroom. I will continue to gather thoughts and ideas that keep me thinking about how I could do it better than the last time, help more children, inspire more humanity.  I will continue to seek words from those who lead before me and soak up their inspiration.  I have come to the frightening conclusion that I want to be in the position to help create the kind of positive learning environment that allows children to be both different and themselves, to grow and yet remain the same.

Kickoff

Here I am, like you all, just beginning 2013.  I have been ruminating for days over what to write for this post.      I have been asking myself, "What would be a great kickoff to the New Year?"  I haven't come up with anything earth shaking, so I will just start with my first day of 2013, and my five personal New Year's Goals for the year that start right here. It is the most positive day of the year for me, and I think the rest of the family as well, unless you are the poor guy or girl to show up late due to a hangover, at which point you get your 10 minutes of fame, ie. serious ribbing from "loving family" who've been there done that. . .  This year, my first goal became apparent before we even left the house.

For 2013, unlike others before it, I was reminded on day 1, via email, that I have a 5 class credit with my yoga instructor!  That is a great way to start the year, and I take it as a sign, because I am just a little bit fatalistic, but equally optimistic that sometimes there are signs of things to come.  So I start my day, my year with dancing and singing around my house like a happy fool, because I have one less obstacle to jumpstarting my yoga practice this year.  New Year's Goal  #1:  dance and sing like a fool it's good for you (don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise) . . .and find a way to do what you love (I really love yoga)

For 2013, like many before it, we packed our New Year's selves up with gifts and food to hang out with family at the kids Great Grammy's house.  We gather, kids, cousins, aunts, uncles, and grammy, ages 4 to 94.  We talk, laugh, eat tasty food, and rib each other mercilessly about foolish foibles past and present.  We go out in the freezing cold and snow to play our traditional football game so there will be more foibles to laugh about next year.  New Year's Goal #2:  Laugh.  simply laugh. open silly emails you usually recycle and laugh.  New Year's Goal #3:  Continue to grow familiy traditions is a must, especially with generations of "kids" 4-94 to reap the benefits.

After football we eat desert, more than one, because it tastes good , but then we forgo supper that night. New Year's Goal #4: go nuts, but know when to quit.   Find balance people.

Overall, our New Year's Day get togethers are thought of fondly and looked forward to by all.  Even when we were the one ribbed on the year before, even when the day starts with 2 or 3 kids fighting in the car for a half an hour, or when we know we will be the one ribbed on this year for any number of random and subjective conditions.   For me New Year's Day always boils down to fun, family, love, and food.  I always think of the day by recalling the good stuff.  New Year's Goal #5: Notice the Good stuff, let the rest go.  We can use this every day, with our kids, with our students, with our coworkers, with our friends, with ourselves.  Notice the good stuff and build  from there.

Monsters and Magic

The holiday season can be an emotional time of year with darkness creeping in and holiday expectations and perceived demands tugging at our sleeves.  This year the roller coaster of emotions for me has been more extreme due to the tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary school.  Returning to school on Monday with just one more week till our holiday break was harder than I anticipated.  I wasn't afraid to go back but once I got there and was surrounded by children laughing, crying, learning, and struggling. . . the loss of it all hit me.  The idea of a monster amid the magic cracked my usual "Life goes on" resolve.

Like many of you, my husband and I reluctantly talked to our kids about Sandy Hook.  It is tricky territory for a parent to talk about a real life monster, knowing our job is to keep our children safe and feeling safe.  We followed a "less is more" guideline and basically revealed only that "Someone went into a school and shot some people."  We did not emphasise that it was mostly little children or even that they died.  It was a short conversation that ended in a visible look of relief on the oldest in particular when we mentioned the shooter was dead.

Later in the week, just days away from Christmas, the kids and I headed out to the grocery store when the usual wave of gun fingers and shoot'em up stuff began in the back seat, just like it often does.  So, as I often do, I reminded them before heading into the public domain that guns (fingers actually) must be holstered when we get to the store.  I cautioned them that "Especially because of what happened last week people are very sensitive and it is even more inappropriate for you to use those gestures and words at this point.

That is when my 8 year old replied, "I thought people would be over it by now."  I had to bite my tongue because he wasn't being flip.  His words were said out of innocence and childish resilience in regaurds to monsters.  "He is dead." resolves the problem in his eyes.  He didn't have all the facts, fiction, and faces popping up all week on phone, television, or computer.  We shielded our children from the most horrible truths, and I don't regret it, yet it made me pause, "Did we keep it too simple?  too matter of fact?"  That question paced circles in the back of my mind that afternoon.  Should we expect our children to appreciate the gravity of the event?

That evening when bedtime rolled around I read about a world of Dragons, magic and monsters.  I scratched and rubbed backs, pulled up covers, tucked in toes and kissed noses.  I headed downstairs to read and made it only a page or so before I heard my 8 year old , "Mom, could you come up here?"  When I returned to the room my boys share, he had watery eyes and a worried expression, not uncommon for this boy who tends to be the more anxious of my bunch, especially when tired.  "I'm worried" he said as if I never would have picked up on it.  What I didn't know for sure was about what.  I have learned never to assume that I know what may be worrying  at a child's mind of "what if. . . what if. . . what ifs."  Especially this boy for whom the presence of a smoke detector is purely a reminder there could be a fire--when he is tired.

On this night two days before Christmas, a new fear surfaces.   "What if someone comes into our house and comes to our room while we are sleeping?"  He didn't say, "and shoots us" but the words hung in the shadows of our conversation.  "I could punch'em if they were small, but regular grownups are too big for me to beat up. . ."  "What if someone tries to take Lila her door is before ours?", "what if, what if, what if. . ."

I reassured him, and older brother who I knew was listening though he appeared to be engrossed in a book, that Mom and Dad would keep all three kids safe, (from Monsters was implied).  I told him how we hear everything (magic is always involved where there is love),and how Lila still wakes and calls me with a tiny voice and I hear and I go in to find her curled on top of her pillow blankets off and shivering.  I tell him how when I cover, retuck and cuddle her I know she is asleep and I can go back to bed when she twists sideways and kicks her little girl feet in my ribs.  The story makes the boys laugh, which I know has to happen if they are going to get to sleep this night just days before Christmas, when I wish Sugarplum Fairies were their only concern.

Our conversation twined around in many directions and offshoots when at a point of self reflection (and perhaps the root of tonight's bedtime fears) my 8 year old tells me "When I hear about bad things that happen I picture myself in that situation and I can't stop worrying."  That is when that question stops pacing in the back of my mind.  I know that I gave him enough information for his active imagination to chew on.  I am bolstered in our decision to give the kids just the bare bones, because despite all our sheltering our children understand fears deeply and monsters all too readily.

Thankfully, they also believe in the magic of dragons, fairies, witches, heroes. . .and the Magic of Christmas. For our family Christmas fell at a perfect time this year, along with a sparkling dust of snow and wonder to distract us from fears and remind us of the power of love, family, and faith.

Do your kids trust their teachers?

Trust.  Teachers are commonly introduced to Erickson's first stage of psychosocial development, Trust vs. Mistrust age 0-2, somewhere in their pre teaching coursework.  The theory is basically, if a child's needs from infancy to age 2 are met by the parent or caregiver the child will develop a sense of trust in the world and grow to feel confident in himself.  Conversely, if a child's basic needs for food, comfort, and rest go unmet the child will mistrust more, have less confidence in himself and others.  It is thought to be the beginning to establishing whether a child sees a cup as half full or half empty.  Well I would like to point out that from my parenting perspective, kids never grow out of this stage.  I believe anyone with experience with children will agree with me that a child at any age who has not had enough food, rest, or love spells trouble.   I especially want to consider the development of trust for children who are struggling with undeveloped social, emotional, or attention skills to name a few.  The invisible nature of those types disabilities creates a constant test of the trusting relationship between the child and those working or living with the child.

I think that schools and teachers are fairly aware of the general need for trust within the classroom.    Students need to be able to trust each other, to feel safe in taking risks, share responses, relate experiences,and essentially to learn.  But a precursor to students trusting each other is trust for the teacher.  Without trust in the teacher, I don't believe a truly trusting and safe classroom environment can exist.  To prove my point, picture the day of the substitute teacher. . .you know you have a story.  How many times has it happened in history that a perfectly well behaved class of children tranforms into Night of the living Dead.  I can remember thinking as a child, "Oh no.  Who will it be?  What will they be like?  What crazy thing are they going to make us do?"  Now as an adult working in several classrooms I have already seen a variety of substitutes in a variety of roles from teacher to support staff and 1:1 paras.  The most successful moments I have seen, have been when the sub keeps to the regular routines and "language" of the classroom.  Those who insist on doing it their own way often meet chaos, resistence, or worse, rebellion especially from those children whose hidden disabilities include black and white thinking and inflexibility.

To my mind, in a safe and trusting teacher student relationship, the teacher has made clear the expectations, and shown confidence in the students' abilities to achieve those expectations.  The teacher is fair, and realizes fair is not always equal, but does open up to everyone the same opportunities.  There is no place for favorites or scapegoats in a safe and trusting classroom environment.  But all this is so easy to talk about in general terms.

The test of trust starts when you have a really difficult child (maybe they are on spectrum, have emotional issues or ADHD?), or more, in your class or in your charge.  Let's face it, our classrooms are filled with a melting pot of abilities, needs and behaviors of the children we teach.  I hope to emphasize the importance of establishing and maintaining trust with the most challenging students.  Maintaing trust, that's the hard part I think because when a child proceeds to break the same rule repeatedly we teachers are like the frog in the pot of water.  (yes I have used this analogy before)  The frog (teacher) jumps into the pot of warm water (classroom at start of year) and doesn't notice the water is heating up (child with difficult and persistent behaviors) till the water boils (teacher breaks child's trust out of frustration and maybe even thinking that the trusting relationship isn't working).

Most of you know by now some of the difficulties I have seen with my own kids, my oldest in particular.  And I truly believe the key to his current success at school is that the teachers he is with have established trust and maintained his trust.  One test for teachers who work with kids with lagging social emotional or self regulation skills, or ones who have suffered abuse, both groups are in need of a teacher they can trust to keep a positive perspective on their challenging behaviors and to handle them respectfully and proactively for the long haul.  These kids don't turn around over night.  I have seen the difference like night and day when a teacher is able to maintain these crucial trust maintenance efforts for the long haul and when they give them up, thinking harsher discipline will achieve better results.  If you have one of these challenging students, especially if he or she had a hard year before coming to your class, the importance of establishing and maintaining that trust, consistent response, or proactive intervention for the long haul is even more crucial.

Next in line is figuring out how to keep this consistency when a child goes to specialists and recess and a sub comes in and . . .  It can be so hard to get everyone on the same page especially if the child appears to be fairly smart and is perceived as manipulative or choosing to misbehave.  These perceptions can greatly undermine the trust that he/she so needs in order to succeed in other areas of the school day as well.  My challenge is for all teachers and parents to look at their children through the lense of trust and notice how your view of the child changes.  Do you begin to see that misbehaviors occur when there is a sub? or when you react in an unexpected way?  Are you able to see when the child is not feeling safe, because something is off?

Thankful: A thread of understanding

Today I am thankful for my ability to see a thread of understanding woven through my experience in life, yoga, and raising or teaching children.  This whispy thread that lets me know sometimes the most helpful thing I can do is that thing, act, or feeling that seems directly contrary to what my intuition tells me is the right thing, act or feeling.  For instance, now that I have 3 children and my youngest is 4, I know that all that advice about never laying down in your child's bed with them or rubbing their backs, rocking or nursing them till they go to sleep else they become too dependent on me for their sleep, is hogwash pure and simple, based on the fear that our children will never outgrow their reliance on us their parents.  Obviously that one was made up by someone who:

•  A. needed little sleep to function in life,
•  B. had no kids of his or her own, 
• C. never had a little person snuggle up to them with a contented sigh after a nightmare, or
•  D. never experienced their child outgrowing hugs and cuddles
• E. all of the above

I know this because my kids are older now and sleep just fine, they are not all piled into my bed requiring us to go king sized, and I know this because my two oldest are on the brink of growing out of snuggles and hugs completely. . . Lucky for them I know this trick.  Despite their pleas of  "aaagh!", I will continue to hug them whenever possible and be greatful for the memories I would not have had if I had followed the sage advisors.

 

As a parent of a child who struggled at school with unruly behaviors and hidden disability, I learned the hard way that following traditional parenting protocols would not help my son succeed.  I am thankful I accepted that the common practice of time out  or other consequences often had little useful affect on my kiddo's behaviors.  "Backing up" the teachers at home for difficulties at school resulted in a snowball of misbehavior and anxiety that grew like a monstrous blob into every area of our life.  I am thankful I learned that angry belligerence from my son met with angry belligerence from me resulted always in more anger, but met with understanding and time the anger receded like the tide revealing the scared child hiding in the sand.

As a Yogi, I learned that although my classmate insists it "feels better" to stretch her lower back, pressing it into the floor, my instructor's advice to keep a slight arch in the back while performing the excercise that day was wise and true and resulted in a much happier lower back for me.  I am thankful I learned to breath through pain rather than brace for it, it works for more than just physical pain.

As a teacher, I am thankful to understand that teaching is less about squeezing information into my students brains and more about drawing information out of their minds and hearts.  I am thankful I can see the possibilities that loosening the idea of stereotypical "control" over a classroom full of kids or even just one can result in more order and less defiance than I once dreamed.  I am greatful to have learned the power of a hug when a child's actions scream for an angry response.

I am thankful for the friends and family who have stitched into my brain the idea that when I feel like hating when you feel like hating, we should look for something, someone to love. . .

 Lila's wiggling hips and singing lips,

 the smile in Charlie's eyes when he is feeling wise,

 the kindness in Joey's heart that he wears on his sleeve,

 the pride on my husband's face during any of the above.

Love On and Great Thanks to you all for Reading this first year in my blog!!!

amy

Getting in the swing of it . . .

I feel like my family just gets all the bases loaded and then the pitcher for the other team (who are we playing anyway?) strikes us out and sends us back to the outfield. Just about the time I start to feel like my family has got it together, a three day weekend pops up.  Don't get me wrong, we had a great Columbus weekend visiting the Fryeburg Fair in Maine, ferris wheels, farm animals, and fresh air for the day. Monday we dabbled at the coast for an afternoon of cool salty breezes, huddling in the warmish sand, and icy barefoot clam hunting.  At one point I just sat back and watched my family as they played.  I could almost see all the stresses floating away, out to sea like a migrating flock of geese.  It is Tuesday that follows that is the bugger.

Two out of three kids are suddenly transported back to beginning of school jitters and anxiety.  You would think the three days of fun and relaxed family time would refresh and rejuvinate them the way it does us adults.  But, nooooo, for these two all the relaxing did was remind them that they liked it that way, all relaxed with nowhere to go.  Why on earth do we have to go to school anyway??  Nothing like leaving a ghost faced little boy and teary eyed girl at their respective schools to make us wonder.  . .  Are school changes and early mornings the right answer for this anxiety riddled clan?

A week later though we were sliding back into the groove.  My son actually slipped in a few positive comments about his new school and how much more he likes his new art teacher.  My daughter was happily playing and engaged with her friends at pickup time all week, and am sniffles were on the decrease.

This week, I am still catching up from the three day break.  Had a monster grocery shopping trip, and am continuing the laundry battle through several nights in a row of four year old, nighttime accidents.  (She has a full sized bed.  All I can say is, there must be a better strategy for that issue.. .  My husband suggested a kid sized sleeping bag, then at least it is just one item to toss in the washer instead of sheets, blankets, quilts, afgan. . . oy!  She would be offended at pull ups at this point, and has gone months and months with no trouble, as a matter of fact, we seem to be already over this stream of curve balls.)  On the upside, we played hide and seek, carved pumpkins, baked pumpkin seeds, watched a movie, took in another weekend of brilliant fall as the golden foliage flamed against the violet hill tops.

Anyway, the way I figure it I will be all caught up and the kids will be really in the swing of it just in time for Thanksgiving. . .and Christmas. . . February break. . . April vacation . . .  Personally, I am waiting for the seventh inning stretch.

autumn light

Trees shining, glowing
ripe leaves illuminating
day, sky, earth, path, life

My Fall (first draft)

Autumn is the fancy word for fall, if you ask some people.
Whatever you call it matters less than that inkling of a first wisp of crispness in the air,
The bluer than blue sky against a yellow edged leaf on a green tree.
A picture perfect moment of flame red maple leaves scitter scattered on autumn green lawn, the
rich,
deep, grassy green we only see when the nights become cool and the sun soars low across the noon sky.
The minty scent of smooth skinned birch mixed with splintered, pungent oak, quartered and stacked near the back door.
The last straggling tomatoes, tastier than all the plenty before them and red veined chard growing- sturdy against the cool evenings.
The ominous orange orb of the harvest moon that warns of colder, greyer months to come.

Infomercial mania

This weekend while riding home from an early morning trip to the local store for a missing breakfast ingredient, I was sucked into the infomercial hour on a local radio station for the latest product, supplement, miracle drug to improve my health or that of my loved ones.  I have heard it all before, "Listen to find out the benefits of Fish Oil",  "Dr. So and So is here to explain to us why everyone should be taking such and such." But this time the lead was, "Find out how to reverse the effects of stress on your body."  So, I was curious, what would I hear?  "excercise"?, "eat right"?, or "change of lifestyle"?  The thing about the infomercial, it is very similar to a rumor, or a stereotype because it is based, at least some small fragment of it, in truth.  That is how they get us right?  That is the hook, the seed planted that causes me to, occasionally, doubt my own instinct to doubt.

The commercial further sucked me in, because it turns out to be a supplement for calcium and magnesium.  Did you know, "Calcium and magnesium are neccessary for over 300 reactions in the human body.", "Did you know that stress severely depletes the calcium and magnesium in the body?"  Then, the part that I found interesting was the implication that stress could cause a downward spiral in attention and anxiety, among other symptoms, and could effect a long list of conditions like ADHD, Autism, Heart Disease, Diabetes, cancer and More.  That is when I began thinking like a mom who sees a miracle around every corner,hears a miracle in every radio speaker, believes the word from any old infomercial doctor.  "Oh, it just makes so much sense!" I thought for a moment.  It was a stereotypically sunny little moment where hope shines, but is clouded by the knowledge that I am listening to an infomercial.  (Why don't our Doctors ask us if our kids are eating enough calcium rich foods?  Is there a test to find out how much calcium or magnesium is in one's system?)

Even still, my mind wanders. . .What if stress, which I already know has a giant impact on functioning, larger than most people realize is possible, what if that stress really does cause a depletion in calcium and magnesium, which then creates a downhill spiral in attention and anxiety.  Parents everywhere are looking more and more to diet, gluten, sugars, lactose, and other food allergies as a cause of increased anxiety, decreased attention, irritability and a host of other symptoms.  Many have found relief by paying attention to the details of diet.  Is it so far fetched really?  I know from the experience of others that it is not really far fetched, but diet also isn't the answer for everyone.

In the end, the 888 number has long escaped my memory.  I am not one to "Be One of the first One Hundred Callers. . ."  But I also find myself exploring the truthful nuggets for more information.  And I will have to admit, my kids did get a calcium rich shake for breakfast, and sunflower seeds (high in magnesium) in their lunch boxes.  My oldest was "high pointer" of the day today.  That means he earned the most points for appropriate and on task behavior in his class.  Maybe it was just a coincidence.  I have definitely not created a controlled experiment here.  Many, many factors are at play every day.  But still. . .something to think about, if not just about these two specific ingredients in our family diet our diet in general and how food truly does effect our and our children's bodies, minds, and development.

My New Oasis

I am loving my new job so far.  I feel right at home in this school of over 100 staff where I can easily focus on getting to know the people in my own neck of the woods without feeling pressured to get to know everyone.  I even love the kids, all 65 third graders, who are my main focus for the year.  I am learning who the quiet ones are, who the loud ones are, and who will try to get noticed for anything if we don't notice them for something positive right away.  As for teachers, every one I have gotten to know has different experience and knowledge to share, and I feel like I am in a good place to "hear" them, I am enjoying listening.

 In some ways teaching is like riding a bike, just get back on.  I am feeling pretty confident, and frankly more comfortable than when I was a para just out of college, or even as a twenty something teacher.  Back then I had very little experience actually working with children.  Probably funny for a trained teacher to say, but true.  I didn't get myself into the teaching profession because I had a lot of teaching experience or exposure to lots of children.  I chose it because I thought I could do a good job, because I had ideals (for better or worse) about how it should be done.  Now, I still have ideals, but I know enough to try not to let those block my view of real life problems or issues in the classroom or school.  If I have learned anything in the past few years, it is the age old saying "To assume is to make an ass out of you and me."

Coming into a new school, in a new era, also requires some learning.  Because as much as I have read about issues in education and new innovations and understandings about best teaching practices, the fact is the problems schools are facing right now preclude all that.  For instance even though the common core has been developed and really is full of innovative ideas, the schools in our state are still strapped down by MCAS tests and requirements that may or may not be aligned with Common Core curriculum.  Many schools are really diving into curriculum for math, reading, and writing to ensure a logical progression in instruction.  I can see the benefits, yet wonder and worry a little, what is the point in having a degree in how to develop an integrated curriculum with a focus on upper level thinking skills if we will be handed curriculum to follow?  I look forward to seeing what our classrooms this year look like once we get into the year, because I hear (and believe) it will look different and the procedural piece of the curriculum will give way to more integration.

After all that, I am not sure I have accurately conveyed why I am really enjoying myself so much, despite a crazy schedule for getting the family up and off to schools, and work.  What it really comes down to is the kids.  I just love getting to know them and how they learn.  I love hearing the stories of their lives, the good, the bad and the ugly.  I am fortunate to be working in three classrooms that are using the same curriculum and do planning together.  It is interesting to see how each group of children handles the weeks lessons, and almost more interesting to observe how three teachers make all the same stuff, look and sound just a little different.  I am like the fly on the wall watching to see what works and what doesn't for which kids.  And like the fly on the wall I will never tell :)  because I am not in this position to judge or criticize.  I am here to help, to teach, to watch, to learn, to enjoy. . .

Two hardest things about going back to work. . .

Week one down, week two ready.  We survived!!

Honestly, the absolute easiest thing about going back to work for me so far is being at work.  The hard part is all the rest of it.  First hardest thing. . .  When on earth do people find time to cook and clean and do laundry?  Or should I say, When do people have time to hang out with their kiddos.  It seems like bedtime comes in a blink of an eye and I spend half our time together cooking supper.  I try to save any cleanup for after they are in bed.

So, Sunday I spent about three hours in the kitchen preparing french bread, eggplant parm from the garden, a gigantic shepherd's pie to eat during the week, and two apple pies.  Did anyone else notice it finally felt like fall?  ahhhhhhh.. ..baking weather.   Just trying to lessen the load during the week.

Ok, the second hardest part about being back at work is dressing up.  I've got to be honest people.  I love cotton!!!  I love jeans!!!  (especially the well worn kind)  I triple love cotton t-shirts.  I love bare feet.  I love comfy and often ugly shoes.

I don't like foo foo fashionista clothing made of rayon polyester blend or even silk, they make my skin crawl. I feel overheated, sticky, and yuck (especially in this summer that I thought till Sunday, would never end)  Shoes that are cute and comfy till I actually wear them all day, on my feet through recess, lunch duty, and umpty billion trips to various places in the school, can stay in the closet thanks.  I especially don't like last minute plans that result in me wearing a flowered skirt and silk blouse with a water stain (there since my shower that am) to the county fair, chili dogs and roller coasters while the sun burns down on me in it's final days of summer and swarms of people clad in cotton mill about in every direction.  

I am going to slide back in to my old cotton habits soon, maybe one cotton item, with one dressy item. . .
Hmmm. . . 

New Girl at School

It is tricky to be the new girl at school, especially as a teacher in a new school, in a new position, and with a new team of teachers using some new curriculum.  I am now faced with getting to know 65 children and three classroom teachers, as well as a dozen other teachers and support staff, just in my corner of the school.      I am excited about it, and I want to make sure and do this well.

I am in this new, and not clearly outlined position, because this group of children represents a diverse mix of needs and abilities that is bound to confound us weekly, daily or hourly.  I hear keep the principal's words in mind, "lots of executive function difficulties".  I can offer an added perspective to help share understanding of how some of these kids operate.  When I make suggestions, my intention will be to help the children feel good about themselves, and about school, and to ensure their brains are in a learning place, rather than a place of stress/ lockdown.  I know that children who learn differently, particularly those who struggle with the executive functioning skills (skills others learn seemingly with no effort), quickly get the message that there is something 'wrong' with them, even from good teachers.  I can see already that each of the three teachers and classes is probably going to need something different from me because they are all different, and that is ok.  I am going to do my best not to step on any toes along this new road.

First Day, 1,2,3

Today was the first day back to work for me in almost ten years.  That just doesn't sound real to me.  This was just a partial, training day for me, but I enjoyed it and had a little time to get to know the teachers I will be working with as well.  Over a hundred new names, faces and stories to hear, I was far from getting to know everyone, and truly only scratched the surface with the folks I will be working closely with.  Happily the feel I got from the staff today was genuinely welcoming, and my impression is that there is a true feeling of acceptance there.  Of course time, and children in the building will tell.

 My middle guy had his first day at a new school today, and alas he hates it just as much as the last one :)  What a turkey!  You have to know this guy to appreciate this.  Some of you who know him remember his Charlie Scowl from way back when he was a toddler.  He has this look when he is displeased or things aren't going according to his master plan. This won't be an easy transition for this anxious, black and white thinker, but I could tell also that he is already beginning to make friends.  I realize also that if I were thrown into a new school with all new kids, teachers, and routines, I would have been a mess!  I can't quite believe that we have been driven to this, but frankly I still think it is a better option than staying where we were.

So, tomorrow is my oldest son's first day as well.  First day with a new bus routine to a familiar room with familiar people at a familiar school where he says, "All the teachers are nice there."  I am so happy to be able to confidently say he is going to have a great year.  If you have ever had a child who has struggled in school with academics, or behavior, or social issues, any reason really, you know the relief when you finally find the right fit.

Then comes my little girl, next week is her first day of preschool.  I know she will enjoy it.  My biggest concern is the sudden and long days away from family.  My other two sort of eased into that, starting with half days.  For number three that isn't an option right now, so I am hopeful it will work out for the best.  I am confident that she has been much more outgoing than the other two right along, and that is part of why we were able to make this decision.  (**make it so, please**)   But still, ((sniffle))  I am a little sad about this piece of the picture.  I must say the best part of my day today was the happy, hugging greeting from my kiddos when I came home :) 

The Lost Days

Last night a friend's child gleefully offered up a praying mantis for me to see, and the insect billowed gracefully to my bright violet shirt, presumably he knew that shade would complement his chartreuse body and legs, and it was not merely self preservation that brought him to me.  Then this glorious, clear skied morning, when I walked onto my porch, I spotted a tiny something glistening on the floorboard.  It turned out to be the tiniest iridescent green feather I have ever seen, most likely lost by one of the zillions of hummingbirds who have visited our feeder in recent weeks.  So, I decided I should write about nature, wonder, and the surprises we can experience in the "Lost Days of Summer".

Days and hours are dwindling away as the beginning of a new school year sneaks up on us ready to kick the last days of summer out from under our feet like a skilled soccer player.  It took me years to realize and be truly conscious that summer doesn't really end with the start of school.  Once I did, I tried to keep a hold onto it despite the change in daily schedule.  That was the year I wore my new, summer beach hat, silly thing with a red and white flowery pattern and short brim that I could crumple into a purse or back pocket if it got too hot.  I wore that hat as often as I could right into fall that year.  It was my way to keep a little piece of summer near.

When my kids came along, I wanted to do the same for them, and it was pretty easy till they began school.  That was when I scooped them off to the local swimming hole after school, for a bike ride around town, or fishing in a nearby pond or stream.  I wanted them to keep enjoying the outdoors and summer even after the new schedule was in place.  I felt they needed those things even more once school was in session and they were confined for hours indoors.  I feel that way still.

So the "Lost Days of summer" to me, swiftly follow the dog days.  My Mom and Step Dad found them out years ago and began taking trips to shore in Maine or Cape Cod during September when the water is at its warmest and the sun is still strong.  I definitely, feel one last trip to the shore is in store for my family this year, with our last back in July feeling hundreds of years ago.  I am also thinking, "What else can I do on a daily basis to keep a spark of summer alive for my children once school begins?"

Since I will be picking the kiddos up in locations within a larger radius from our home this year, I am beginning to think about what lovely bits of summer we can capture and hold close along our path home.  I am already planning meals in my head to prepare in advance so we don't have to buzz home in the busy bee mentality that usually overcomes us once schedules are imposed.  Some of our local swimming holes are at their most desirable  when the masses have returned home to their schedules and schools.  With the sands cleared of people, there is time and quiet to see and hear the little gifts that were invisible to the summer crowds.  Fall hikes or trips to the orchard can keep us outside till the days are too short to light our way. What will you do to keep summer alive for your family? 

It fits!!!!

After a summer of fretting and second guessing myself, after two years of wondering silently, "Is it really too much to expect a school to be on the same page as me?"  I have finally found the right fit!  Not only did I rock the interview, with only a single moment of mental shutdown, my temporary blip was met with kindness and understanding and reassurance that they could see that I knew, but just couldn't pull out the words.  When it is all said and done, I know this is a place I want to work.  I am actually now gratefull to have been over looked till now, because I would have been selling my soul to the devil.  Tonight I not only accomplished my goal of getting a job, I also received affirmation that all my thinking and writing this year about how children learn, how they should be taught, and ways to best help our kids succeed is not just the frivolous and fluffy pipe dreams of a stay at home mom wanna be teacher.   This school is right there trying to get it right. Ya know that crazy lady driving a minivan and bopping around behind the wheel to River music, and commercials, and weather, and more music. . . yeah that's me.
Short and sweet post tonight folks!  Time to hit the rack so I can thoroughly enjoy my munchkins tomorrow.

Oh yeah. . .icing on the cake. . .Husband says, "So I guess this means you will need to go shopping for new clothes. . ."  Gotta love a guy who knows his gal!  :)

Waaaiiiting, Endings, and Beginnings

My writing schedule has been a bit out of whack for the past couple weeks.  I have been a little preoccupied with job hunting and my current position of summer moderator for three unruly siblings with constant quarrels on their minds.  But seriously, in the ideal world, wouldn't schools all know their school choice numbers and what teaching positions they would need to hire for all on June first.  Then kids and adults would all know where they were headed by the first of July.  Children would know what school they are headed to and be able to relax and enjoy their summer.  Parents would we able to prepare kiddos for any possible change in school according to the child's needs.  Perspective teachers and school employees would be able to focus on   planning for the school year and or relaxing, rather than planning for interviews and fretting.

For the first time ever, my oldest child has a clear plan for the upcoming year that we can be confident in.  He has displayed none of his midsummer sleeplessness and doldrums that usually plague the Dog days of his summer.  This time it is the rest of us who are in flux.  Lila is off to preschool, away from me for the first time ever and it is starting to look like she will be jumping into full days away from a suddenly working mom.  (I will get to that in a minute, slow down! :)  I haven't talked to middle guy yet about school and where he is headed, though he knows who his teacher is if he stays at our local school, we are still waiting to hear from a school choice option.  Ten days to go and we are still waiting.  Tom Petty is totally right, "The waaaiting is the haardest part. . ."

As for me, after planning and fretting the summer away, I can't help but feel a bit wistful that my last summer, very last weeks as a stay at home mom have frittered away with planning, wondering, and worrying about the next step for me.  I am looking at a full time job possibility this week, if our meeting goes well, that will allow me settle into the work life without requiring me to take it all home every night. That is a sweet perk that more than makes up for the less than stellar salary at this stage in my life. The more I think about it, the more logical and practical it sounds.  After all, I cannot discount all the teachers I have spoke with lately who have said, "This job is just so time consuming now."  To do so would be a foolish disservice to me, my family and the children in my charge as teacher.  So the option I am looking at would be working as part of a third grade level team to support the children and teachers in endless, yet so far undetermined, capacities.  I have some thoughts on what the needs will be just from what I have seen with third graders in my past job and discussions I had with parents and teachers last year when my son was in third grade.  It can be a tough year for children, the point when the wobbly wheel finally falls off the cart.

So with this meeting pending over the next day or so.  I am determined to find cleats for two boys who have grown out of yet another pair, and find an appropriately fitting athletic cup for the oldest, and have fun doing it darn it!  I am going to take time. . .like right this minute to call the kids to peek out the window at the entire turkey family walking by our window as I type. (Be right back). . .

Ok.  We are back, and it wasn't the entire family, "Just the women" my middle son informed me.  I just realized we have gone the whole summer without a day trip to Great Grammy's or lunch trip with Grammy Gail, sheeeshh!  Haven't seen Super Grampy since who knows when!  What have I been doing all summer??  Well, we did do two weeks in Maine, and three weeks of 4 day a week swim lessons which was great fun, but seemed to fast forward us through the middle of summer.  So lets see how much fun, friends, and family we can squeeze into the next ten days or so.  Still haven't been to Mystic, Holyoke children's Museum, or the Montshire Museum, all of which were on my mental list buried under resumes, cover letters and application questions.  So let's dust off and see what happens.

 As for my writing schedule, I am going to make major efforts to keep to a Monday morning blog post (maybe posting Sun evening) and a mid week post as well.  That seemed to work this summer, before I slid off track.  Happy reading all.  Enjoy the last wistful moments of summer, while looking forward to the crisp air of fall and where leaves fall to feed the soil of days to come.  

From "I can't". . .to "I Can"- Mindset and Learning

Lately I have been thinking about how a person's mindset can effect their ability to succeed.  When I taught, one of the hats I wore was Reading Recovery Teacher.  The Reading Recovery program was based on the work of Fountas and Pinnell, who knew that though some children read almost intuitively, others need to be taught explicitly, in increments how to look at text, notice the pieces of text that work together to form words, sentences, stories, and make meaning from what they are seeing.  An incredibly important part of that program was to help the children who even in first grade, such a short time in school, were beginning to see themselves as "incapable".  My first job when working with these children was to help them restore their confidence, so they would be comfortable taking a risk.  For some of these kids a "risk" is as simple and small as trying the first sound on a tricky word.  These kiddos are smart.  They know how to "hide" in a group, blend in with the others.  They copy and memorize, anything to prevent the teacher from seeing what they think they know about themselves. ie. "I can't read.", "I can't write.", "I am stupid."  So the first part of the job was to make sure the child felt safe, show them what they knew and help them build on that, help them build their confidence, help them change their mindset from "failure" to "learner".  After returning to classroom practice I continued teaching children to read keeping my experience with individualized instruction in mind.

As a parent, I have looked for ways to help my children become confident, resilient members of the world.  I am concerned for my son that seems to take an "I can't" attitude when the going gets tough.  The son that is easily frustrated by things he perceives as difficult tasks or situations.  I have wondered, is he destined to be the underdog?  Will he always step into line after his older brother for whom new skills or challenges seem to come easy?  The fact is, neither boy is a slouch.  They are both very capable and learn quickly, especially when motivated.  Still, the younger son is much less confident and resilient.  Is there something I can do or say to help him overcome that, as I did with my reading students?

And then there is me.  I have been working hard to prepare myself for a return to teaching.  Yet, there is this giant obstacle in my mind.  "I do not interview well.", "I have such a hard time speaking articulately about the issues, even when I think I am prepared", "I wish I could write my way through my interview."  I realize that I am suffering from a "fixed" mindset.  I see myself as incapable at interviewing and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy.  Last week, some friends helpfully pointed out that my mindset was holding me back-though they didn't use that precise term.  The next day I revisited some information on Mindset Theory.

Carol Dweck has youtube videos, websites and books  dedicated to her research on Mindset, learning, and success.  The main ideas of her work being that people with a "Growth" Mindset feel capable, persevere through failures and take on challenges, while people with a fixed mindset see a failure as evidence of their inability and generally feel like they are stuck in their level of ability (inability), incapable of improvement.  Though I don't think this is me in the broad sense of intelligence as she applies it, it certainly does apply to me and my sense of my own verbal intelligence.  Unless I persevere, keep improving, and have some confidence in my own ability to take on the challenge, I will always be stuck under the fixed mindset "I am bad at interviews."  Like a bug under a net, I will be looking out at the world wondering why I can't get out there and do something wonderful.

The implications of Mindset Theory for me are twofold.   Personally, my Mindset is effecting me and my ability to move forward with my career.  I am stuck unless I change my mindset.  On the bright side, I know I can do this, because I have done it before.  It is the basis for why I became an educator (though I didn't know it at the time)  I can still remember that light coming on when I made the connection in college that I was capable of being an artist.  I could work hard and learn skills and I didn't have to be born with innate talent in order to pursue art.   I made the connection next, that I wanted to be the kind of educator who opened up possibilities for my students rather than close doors.  I knew the way a person teaches children makes a difference in how children see themselves and their future.  I have seen how being talked to like a bad kid making bad choices simply created a mindset for my oldest son that he wasn't able to lift on his own.  I have also seen how a learning disability can effect mindset.  When that son's disability was not attended to at school , he came to think of himself as dumb.  He was unable even to see the areas where he was strong, all was clouded by what he couldn't do.

I can relate to the ideas Dweck brings up concerning the language adults use with children that encourages a fixed mindset and discourages growth and learning.  I believe Mindset Theory can have large ramifications in education.  This video 'The Effects of Praise on Mindset'  with Carol Dweck really shows how simple language changes can make or break the learning experience for children in school.  I believe teacher language is a key component to why teaching can be so successful, and probably also explains some of why it isn't always.  Any teaching that occurrs is vulnerable to operator error.  Surely if a teacher, or parent speaks to a child in words that discourage growth mindset, the program, the learning, will be undermined.  In my thinking, Mindset is a crucial piece of the puzzle in helping at risk students move toward learning and success.

Do I know how to juggle?

Teaching is a lot like parenting, in the sense that there are so many things to know, or proverbial balls to juggle, it can be difficult to keep them all in the air at the same time.  In this time of advances in educational research, understandings, changes and standards, it can be a bit difficult to be on top of it all, but even more so for a wandering soul like myself trying to find a school to teach in.  In parenting we don't always know what color the balls will be or how many we will be expected to juggle.  A child has diabetes, we learn to juggle that ball.  A child comes down with a mysterious illness or not so mysterious stomach bug and we juggle another.  A child has autism, we learn to juggle another, and on it goes.  That is what it feels like to me right now interviewing for teaching positions.  Each school I have interviewed with has asked me to speak about a different set of what they feel are the most important colors to juggle, or get a read on.  For a person like me who doesn't think quick on her feet in an interview, being prepared has felt like a nearly impossible task.

In two instances recently, I was asked to speak about methods of assessment that I would use in the classroom.  So just as I am feeling comfortable giving a reasonably comprehensive response about that, (and please note I am comfortable using many current assessment methods, it's the talking that gives me trouble) I am asked about the kinds of feedback I give my students.  This was one of those times when I thought, "Oh brother, I know I give feedback, but there are so many and I can't think of them all and where do I start?"  but first I thought, "I haven't been asked this before, or have I?"  ugh. . .

I know I have given lots of feedback in many forms.  There is feedback in just about everything I do, or more for everything our students do, from behaviors and procedures, to participation in discussion and verbal questioning and check ins, to feedback on assignments and projects.  Feedback is closely related to assessment, because we are constantly checking in with our kids throughout the day and need to return the information to them, reflecting it like a mirror so they may see which side of the head still needs hair combing.
Sometimes feedback is verbal and simple, "good job" when a child has got it down.  Often feedback is more detailed, "You did a great job with x, y, z.  I also noticed you had a bit of trouble with w"  Feedback for written work requires prompt, constructive feedback and opportunity to learn or clarify a difficult point.

I began to think tonight, could I make a list of types of feedback?

• verbal feedback short and positive
• verbal feedback more involved
• smile/ thumbs up 
• hand on the shoulder and stern look
• sticker on paper for good work, with a specific comment for the child
• conference and/or reteaching for work that is incomplete or misunderstood
• using stoplight signal for behavior or being on task 
• A specific note praising a skill or behavior modeled by student

Then, I started to wonder, my brain is slowing down, is there more to this?   What else do I need to be thinking of in terms of feedback?  So much of how we teach is intuitive, so it is critical to bring it forward in order to be thoughtful and improve.  So I Google "teacher feedback methods" or something like that, and I get this page:  (go ahead and check it out and come right back :)

http://www.cec.sped.org/Content/NavigationMenu/AboutCEC/International/StepbyStep/ResourceCenter/InstructionalStrategiesCurriculum/VOL.36NO.6JulyAugust2004_TEC_Konald_36-6.pdf

The article brings feedback to the front of my mind.  The page looks at the intricacies and types of teacher feedback as it is tied closely to assessment and further instruction, as I read this I feel as if, when asked about feedback recently, I missed the forest for the trees.   Yet, I know I do give these kinds of feedback and use them as a teacher.  Feedback goes in both directions from child to teacher and teacher to child.  As a teacher I use little daily assessments to gain feedback and insights into what or who needs reteaching.  I group the children together who need to be retaught the same skill, because that makes sense.  I try to be as immediate and specific as I can with feedback. 

Alas, I am juggling balls, guessing which direction they will fall from, confusing which color will fall faster, mixing up which hand to catch with and dropping balls left and right.  Perhaps I should have begun this post by saying "Interviewing is a lot like parenting." :)

The More I Learn. . .

It may sound cliche, "The older I get, the more I have to learn", yet it is so true.  I have had my nose to the ether for months now and I am constantly making new connections and gaining new insights on teaching and parenting.  My thinking is constantly changing and stretching so that posts I write three months ago, three weeks ago, sometimes three days ago, no longer quite fit my thinking of today.  I wonder if I should place a disclaimer on my blog.  "Each post is a snapshot in time, my thinking or understanding in that precise moment."  I have never in all my years of schooling been as much a learner as I have been in the last two years or more precisely the last 6 months.  I find it no coincidence that my greatest leaps in connections and understanding have occurred since I have been writing this blog.  For me writing is thinking, on a protein shake.

I read recently the idea that 21st century teachers must be learners and be able to learn alongside their students rather than leading their students by the nose.  The idea is not a new one, but it made me think.  I have really always been a learner.  I went from grade school through graduate study with barely a pause then right into teaching.  But, I had so much schooling that I started to think that, at the ripe age of 25, I knew stuff.  Till that time, my learning had mostly been directed by someone or some institution other than me.  As I reflect, I can see that experience shaped the teacher I was back then.  I was versed in integrating curriculum and arts with learning goals and standards of the day.  I was skilled at creating an environment that kids wanted to be in and created with them an environment safe for learning.  But one goal that eluded me was facilitating inquiry learning on the large scale and in areas other than science.  Small scale projects or lessons were all I could manage.  It frustrated me, because I knew that this was key to my growth as a teacher and to expanding the learning of my students, and I just couldn't wrap my head around how to pull it off in a large scope.

After being home a while and sending my children to school I became passionate about leaerning all I could about ADHD, Autism, Giftedness, learning disabilities, and the neurological factors of learning.  Now, thinking about returning to teaching, that passion had turned to learning how to apply those new understandings to classroom practice in this new and exciting age of teaching.  I have become an internet Wonder Woman surfing through heaps of information online and off, and sifting through the junk to get to the jewels.  Most important of all, I have discovered my learning self again.  I am a learner in my own right and not solely led by an institution, but self directed by my own growing understandings and questions.

I am there.  Right now, I am "In the zone" of learning and I can see why this place is so important for teachers to be in.  Now that I have learned, once again, to ask my own questions and make my own connections I can see how important it is to ask the same of my students and children, but more importantly I can see inquiry everywhere.

For instance:  What is community?  Community is a first grade concept.  It is a universal concept that withstands time and place.  Whenever or wherever you live, community exists in some form.  Community encompasses a whole world of learning for first graders still exploring the people and world around them.  Every piece of the curriculum, math, literature, science, history, civics, economics, writing, arts can be tied in to it's place, or importance to the community, be it classroom community, school community, town community, or country community.   But what do six and seven year olds know about community? What questions do they have?  How can they contribute to the community in a developmentally appropriate way? And how can I use all these questions to guide my teaching?

The concept provides a whole to a curriculum we may risk seeing as lots of parts.  How deep can learning go if everything we learn about is then reflected back to it's place in the larger scheme of Community?  This method of organizing the curriculum provides meat for students already craving opportunities for comparing, classifying, executing and critiquing,(to name just a few) and provides the framework necessary for others to learn those skills as well.  Now having asked my own questions and sought my own answers I feel better prepared to facilitate this type of inquiry in a classroom.  But surely, some may ask, what about the parts?  There are so very many parts, bits of information that these kids need to learn, how do I make sure that the nuts and bolts are firmly in place at the end of first grade?  In all my glorious revelation about inquiry, I know that explicit teaching of certain skills must occur as well.  For some reteaching, and practice will be required to achieve certain skills.  The amazing thing that teachers need to remember is that though certain skills elude some children and require a larger effort and close monitoring and assessment by teachers,  the apparent disadvantage does not need to prevent or preclude the children from making large connections in their world that are meaningful and important to making sense of and being prepared for life in the 21st century.

Of course, as I have said, these are my thoughts today at 9:31 am on August 1st, 2012.  I am a learner and all thoughts and ideas are changing in large and small ways at all times.  It is my goal to return to teaching or somehow use my understandings to help improve the learning or teaching of others and most importantly myself today and in the future.